All of Me Read online

  “It's fine, she can sit with us.” I looked at Jared then Alex; she stared at him, her eyes blinking in rapid succession. Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. Jared wouldn’t meet my gaze, he was focused on Kieran so intently that I wondered what was keeping Kieran here.

  “No, I don’t want to intrude,” I said, and Alex looked relieved.

  “You’re not.” Jared finally looked at me, and I was surprised that he couldn't feel the very angry and beautiful female at his side. What was he doing? I had to stop this. He was trying to keep his promise that nothing would happen to me. But I wasn’t a victim anymore, and I actually trusted Kieran. He wasn’t a bad guy. Taking matters into my own hands, I gently took my shoes and bag out of Jared’s hand. He resisted at first but finally let them go.

  “I’ll sit with Kieran. It’s not fair leaving him alone.” I turned to Kieran.

  He gave me an easy smile. “Yep. If I’m alone, I may be attacked.”

  “By what, a dog?” Alex said smartly.

  Kieran didn’t even flinch. “Are you referring to yourself? Because I see how you look at me.”

  Jared stepped protectively in front of Alex. The movement shouldn’t have annoyed me, but it did. When Jared turned his gaze on me, I was stunned to see so much anger in his eyes. Kieran was just joking.

  “I thought you wanted to hang out?” Jared’s jaw was clenched, and this situation just went from uncomfortable to awkward. My mind raced, trying to make sense of his actions. One minute we were going to a party; the next, his girlfriend was here. Now he wanted me to join them, and something clicked. An unnatural stillness filled me, and I pasted on a smile.

  “I do want to hang out,” I told him before turning to Kieran, who held up both his hands.

  “I’ll leave you to it, but my offer still stands,” he said, walking away backward.

  I gave him a soft smile before turning back to Jared. It was Alex who I focused on now, and the term ‘if looks could kill’ sprang to mind. Yep, she hated me. But she had no need to. What clicked with me only a few moments ago was that Jared saw me as the young girl who he spent his childhood protecting. For that, I would be eternally grateful. But I wasn’t a victim anymore, and after tonight I would have a chat with him and let him know he was off the hook. I didn’t need protecting, and I wasn’t a victim. The thought of losing him for a second time halted the air in my lungs.

  Breathe. Just Breathe.

  Alex threaded her fingers through Jared’s. It was only a few moments ago that he had done the same with me. My cheeks heated with regret and guilt. Now I couldn’t look at Alex.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “Lead the way,” I told the sand before glancing up at Jared. A muscle ticked in his jaw as his eyes clouded with sadness, which made no sense. I would have asked him what was wrong.

  But Alex tugged at his arm, getting his attention. “Come on. Chester’s waiting for us.” As I walked behind the happy couple, I glanced over at Kieran who was watching me. He gave me a wave, and I wished I was sitting with him. The idea of Alex and Chester in the same small space was making my stomach tighten. But these were the people that Jared loved. Nothing was going to happen at a crowded party.

  The bonfire that was lit felt warm as we settled down on a large blanket. Chester observed me like I was a fly he wanted to squash. So, I glanced around and focused on the friendly smile of Lucas. I had met him on my first day of work. He was Ashley’s brother. I recognized the other boy who was with him from my first day of work, but I couldn’t remember his name. The guy fist pumped Jared as he and Alex down.

  “Layla isn’t it?” Lucas asked, and his green eyes twinkled with alcohol. The smell of his breath brushed my face as he spoke. I could feel the heat of Jared on my left-hand side, and I knew Chester was only inches behind me, along with the other guy.

  “Yeah, Lucas,” I said, and his face opened up into a huge smile.

  “I knew I made an impression.” I nodded with a tight smile before glancing over at Jared. He was leaning back on his arms, freeing himself of Alex who chatted to Chester. His legs stretched out on the blanket, his heavy gaze was focused in my direction.

  I swallowed under the intensity. I wanted to ask so many questions. I had never felt so conflicted before. This pull that I felt towards him was clearly one-sided, but I still wanted to talk with him.

  “Do you work?” I asked Jared, focusing on my words and not my emotions. Jared’s lips parted, surprise flickered in his chocolate eyes.

  “Yeah, I do.” He paused while sitting up, moving closer to me, his lips twitched when he didn’t say anything.

  I rolled my eyes. “Are you going to tell me? Or do I have to beg you?” I asked, and his lips lifted into a smile, dimples appearing pushing my mind down the wrong path.

  Just friends. Just friends.

  “Guess.” He grinned now, really enjoying this, and I thought about it. I always saw Jared as someone who would protect others. He also loved cars, but every 14-year-old boy loved cars.

  “I think a cloakroom assistant,” Lucas said. That’s when I noticed everyone was listening to us. But I reminded myself that we were two friends having a chat.

  “Nah, a dog walker,” the other guy said. He had the same smiling green eyes as Lucas. They were definitely brothers. They high fived each other now, and I found myself smiling at their goofiness.

  “I wasn’t asking either of you morons,” Jared said, but his tone was playful.

  “Security,” I said, and Jared’s eyes lit up, and his smile widened.

  “Nope.”

  I didn’t look behind at Alex or Chester, but their silence told me there were listening.

  “A toilet cleaner.” The other guy spoke up.

  “You’re a fool, Sam,” Lucas said, and I was grateful to hear his name. Sam. I remembered now. They pushed each other playfully, and I focused on Jared.

  “You work in a garage,” I said, and he grinned wildly, my heart galloped. “Nope,” he said again.

  Alex let out a heavy sigh, one that could not be ignored by anyone. “He’s a lifeguard,” she told me with narrowed eyes, before focusing on Jared. “What are you, five?” Her angry words were delivered with a shake of her head. Heat filtered across my face.

  “You’re being rude.” Jared’s words were delivered with his own anger, and I wanted to dig a hole in the sand and disappear.

  “No Jared, you are.” She got up and walked away. Her angry steps kicking up sand.

  “I’ll be back in a minute,” Jared told me, and I nodded my head as he raced after Alex.

  “She’s very protective,” Lucas spoke beside me, giving me a kind smile.

  “Well, when people stomp on your territory.” My body froze at Chester’s words.

  “Shut it,” Lucas said over his shoulder.

  “Just saying,” was Chester’s departing words. Sam appeared on my left side, and now I was wedged between the brothers.

  “Chester’s a dick,” Sam told me, and I nodded again, not saying anything. I wanted to look in the direction that Jared had gone, but I didn’t. He needed his time with Alex. I didn’t want to look like a pining dog after him.

  “So, Layla, how’s my sister treating you?” Sam asked, his lips kicking up into a grin. His eyes also twinkled with alcohol.

  “Yeah, she’s great. Ashley’s been really good to me.” I answered honestly. Lucas left now, leaving me alone with Sam. I just prayed Sam didn’t leave. It would look like I ran everyone off. Actually, I kind of had.

  “So, Sam do you work?” I asked, wanting to keep him engaged in conversation.

  “Nah, it’s hard to get a job when you’re living on this side of town.” His words had lost the joking tone. He had been jovial since I had arrived at the blanket, now I was seeing the real Sam.

  My gaze took him in now. He had on tracksuit bottoms and well-kept but worn trainers. The t-shirt he wore was clean but had that worn out look to it. Lucas arrived back carrying two red plastic cups. One he hand
ed to me. I took it and thanked him. It would give my hands something to do. Sam returned to his joking way with his brother, and I relaxed just listening to their banter back and forth. My eyes occasionally meet Kieran’s across the fire. He wasn’t alone anymore. A dark-haired girl sat with him. He spoke easily to her, but she wasn’t leaning in towards him or doing anything romantic. They looked comfortable with each other. My throat was dry, and I took a deep drink, the liquid soothed it immediately. I took another sip, liking how the liquid was making me forget my problems and relaxing my body. When my cup was empty, I left Lucas and Sam and went in search of the supply of alcohol. A table had been set up with a large keg on it. A girl with pink pigtails took my outstretched red cup and filled it up, spilling a lot on her hands. She looked like she was drinking more than she was giving out. Watching over the party goers, I drank this cup slowly. My stomach dropped to the sand as Chester materialized beside me.

  “You're still here?” he questioned. My gaze went to his: he looked half- drunk, but awareness was still there.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, surprised at my own bravery. He smirked now but with no humor. Chester’s gaze took me in from my bare feet all the way back up to my eyes before he walked away. I shivered. Him not answering felt worse than if he had. I gulped down my drink and turned to the girl again. She seemed even more drunk if that was possible. I got half a cup this time. As I glanced around at everyone talking and laughing. I felt so alone. Even Lucas and Sam laughed about something I couldn’t hear from here.

  I looked at the cup and made a decision. “Why not?” I spoke my thoughts aloud and gulped the rest of the drink as I watched Kieran make out with the girl I had assessed as non-romantic. Yep, I had a great love radar. Just like I had with Jared. Who now entered the circle of light. My stomach tilted seeing him across the fire. The light flickered across his face. He was looking for someone. Maybe Alex had returned. I went to take another drink only to find my cup empty again. Turning around to get a refill, no one was there to serve. I reached across, turning the tap that was attached to the keg before filling up my cup.

  “Hey.” I continued filling up my cup, nearly full now, without looking at Kieran.

  “Hi.” My greeting sounded sharp, electing a laugh from Kieran. I turned to him now with narrowed eyes. “Why are you laughing at me?” I questioned him while taking another drink. Some reasonable part of me was saying I needed to stop drinking and go home, but this angry part of me was now growing and expanding, taking over every space inside my very drunk brain.

  “Let’s take a walk.” Kieran took my arm with a warm smile still on his face. Kieran reached for the cup, but I pulled it out of his reach. “You’ve had enough.” My cheeks heated because I knew he was right, but I drank nearly half the cup before handing it over.

  The sand felt nice between my toes. The breeze tousled my hair. I glanced down at our joined hands and focused on what I felt. Funny enough I didn’t mind his hand in mine, but it didn’t cause the turmoil that Jared’s would. I didn't want to think about him like that. It just wasn’t right.

  “Where’s the girl you were kissing?” I asked.

  Kieran kicked up sand as we walked; I noticed he too was wearing no shoes. “Not sure. Maybe she’s off kissing some other guy.” He glanced at me now.

  “I think I just got sick in my mouth,” I told him and make a gagging nose that he laughed at.

  The light of the fire was no longer our guide as we strolled down the coast. The moon which was bright and high in the sky showed us the way.

  “Did you really get sick in your mouth?” Kieran asked, and when I burst out laughing, he joined me.

  “No, it’s like, a figure of speech. Why?”

  He looked back to the sand, a smile still on his face. “Just wondering.”

  Hmm. I could see where this was going, and I stopped walking. “What are you going to do, kiss me like you did the other girl?” I asked bravely. The drink was giving me a backbone.

  “No. Never.” Kieran let my hand go and folded his across his chest. He wore the most serious look I had ever seen on him, and he looked… really hot right now.

  “So now you wouldn’t kiss me?” I continued on my very bold strike.

  “I only kiss strangers. If I like someone, I’ll take the time to get to know them.”

  I was smiling now, and Kieran smiled too, retaking my hand.

  “So, you like me?” I asked, and he gave a short laugh.

  “I’ve asked you out several times. I thought that would let you know I liked you.”

  “I just thought you were messing around.” We had stopped walking again. I wasn’t sure where we had stopped. But the moon seemed to shine on Kieran like a spotlight.

  His eyes roamed my face as he spoke. “I was serious. Still am.” I felt grateful for his affection towards me, and I found myself taking a step closer.

  “If I like someone I kiss them.” I watched as his lips parted while his eyes flickered to my lips as I wetted them.

  I made a move, something I had never done in my life. The sad reality was I had never been kissed before. This would be a first. My lips meet his soft ones. They felt warm against mine. I had seen people kiss in the movies, so I moved my lips like I had seen them do. My tongue flicked out, and Kieran moaned pulling me closer to him. One moment I was wrapped in his warmth, the next we were impacted by someone. I opened my eyes as Kieran was dragged and dumped into the water. The drink slowly faded as I raced into the water.

  “Kieran.” Water splashed against my ankles, as Kieran sat up, wiping water off his face. Jared stood over him. I couldn’t see his face, but he was breathing heavy from the movement of his shoulders.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “Stay away from her or I will really hurt you.” Kieran’s complexion had gone pale. My heart thumped. Jared’s threat sounded so real. He turned to me now, his nostrils flared, while his chest rose and fell. He looked like a very pissed off bear as he moved towards me.

  “You can’t just do that,” I protested, as his eyes tightened and he glared at me.

  “He was taking advantage of you.” His eyes hardened as he glanced back at Kieran who still sat in a puddle of seawater.

  “I kissed him, Jared,” I whispered, not sure why I was whispering.

  He didn’t say anything for a moment; he just glared at me, burning away the last of the alcohol fumes.

  “I can smell the alcohol on you. You’re not thinking clearly.”

  “I’m fine, by the way,” Kieran said, as he started to rise. I gave him an apologetic look, ready to help him, but Jared took my arm and led me to the shore.

  “I’m not a ten-year-old victim anymore.” I pulled my arm out of his hand angrily, and his eyes softened a fraction. “You keep looking at me like I’m a little girl.”

  He shook his head while exhaling all the air from his body. “I definitely know you’re not a little girl, Layla.” The way his eyes roamed my body as he said that had sparks coming to life inside me.

  “You need to stop putting yourself in bad situations.” The sparks that his words had lit only seconds ago now died.

  “Like what I did when I was ten?” I could feel my eyes burn now.

  Jared ran his hand along his face. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I’ll just go and dry off by the fire.” Kieran was beside us now, and I could feel my face heating up. I had forgotten about him.

  “You do that.” The hardness had re-entered Jared’s voice.

  “I’m sorry Kieran,” I said while narrowing my eyes at Jared. He didn’t respond but moved passed us. Guilt gnawed at my stomach.

  “He’s the first normal thing that’s happened to me,” I said, and as the words left my mouth, I realized how accurate they were. He liked me; that was it. So simple.

  Jared’s shoulders were tense, his whole body looked like it was carved from stone. His eyes were a black abyss in which I thought I might drown. So I looked away.

  “
I’m taking you home. And don’t argue with me.” He reached for me once again, but I pulled away.

  “Layla.” His warning had me moving.

  “Fine, but I was going home, anyway.” I folded my arms as we walked. Neither of us spoke. Jared stopped by our blanket and collected my bag and shoes. I used that moment to look around for Kieran, but he wasn’t at the fire drying off like he said he would. I really had messed up.

  “Ready.” I started walking; that was my answer. I took my bag from Jared as we reached his jeep. I waited for him to open the car but when the locks didn’t click, I looked up at him to find him watching me.

  “Even at ten, you were never a victim. I have never met anyone as strong as you.” My eyes burned with his words. I never felt strong. I had always hated myself for being weak. My eyes flickered over the roof of the car to Jared who stood with both hands on the roof. His eyes burned with conviction to his words.

  “How can you say that? You had to save me every time.” Jared blurred as my eyes filled up. Memories of Bert, hitting me, closing his fist to me, kicking me, choking me, even spitting on me came crashing back like a wave, and the tears fell fast and heavy. Jared shook his head; his eyes gleamed as he moved around the jeep. His warmth enveloped me, and I sank into his comfort, feeling like a coward once again. I always seemed to need him, now I felt like I was started to crave him.

  He was my drug.

  “Shh.” His hand moved through my hair so gently that, I felt it down to my core.

  “I’m sorry,” I said feeling embarrassed. I wanted to be strong. I needed to be strong. This wasn’t being strong. I swallowed my emotions and moved reluctantly away from Jared. He still held my arms, not letting me leave the comfort of his arms entirely. And I let him.

  “I want you to listen to me.” He looked at me from under his lashes slightly bent, so I was eye level with him.

  “Don’t ever apologize for crying.” I glanced away now, feeling my face burn.